Have you ever just sat down and looked back on your life and thought to yourself, "damn what the hell have i done with my life?".
Well over the last few weeks i've been sitting thinking the exact same thing, in all honesty by this point in my life i had already expected to have been settled down, married with children with a good lifestyle but yet i find myself un-married and unemployed. I have children maybe not biologically mines, but still mine in every sense of the word, and i would never change it for anything in the world.
However i would love to change my life itself, i would call myself a proud person and possibly go as far as call myself stubborn aswell, which although may be good traits are also pretty bad ones aswell, not the proud part but certianly the stubborn.
So i find myself living in Sweden for 5 years and wondering why have i basically got the same lifestyle as i had in the UK?
I mean i had the opportunity when i moved over here to create a whole new life, a whole new person, change who i was back in the UK and create someone better, but for some reason i seem to have decided to just take the easy route and not bother.
There is many reasons for this and most of them are my fault, and maybe people will be sitting wondering well why not do something about it?
Well it isn't that i haven't been trying but perhaps i haven't tried enough and i have came to realise although i possibly already knew that it is not only myself i am hurting, but the chance of happiness for my family as well. Not that they are unhappy, but i feel i could be making my life and their's a lot better. During out lifetime Marie and i have been through a lot and i feel it is well deserved for us to have a little bit of happiness and security in our lives.
I mean i don't actually want alot in life if im totally honest, it's not like i want a flashy house, a super fast car or anything like that, all i really want is to be married to the woman i love and to have a great family, perhaps even add on to the family we have already (kinda miss being called dad) but without me changing my life i don't think any of these things will ever become possible. So once more it all falls back on myself, i mean there ain't no fricken fairy godmother out there that is going to help me out is there?
Don't get me wrong i am not unhappy in my life, i have met a person that i know is the "ONE" that everyone searches for in their lifes and although my twin boys are a bit over the top at times, they are also a great joy to have in life and my teenage daughter, well i'll let you know about her when she stops being a stroppy teen :P
So i have decided to head back to school and finish up what i had originally began (that's a complete other story). I mean there is no reason why i cannot continue to look for work while being in school now is there? and perhaps not sitting in the house 24/7 and meeting new people will give me the push i think i have been needing for a while now.
So if there was anything in your life that you could change, what would it be?