Monday, 9 January 2012

Feeling Stupid But Why?

It's always quite amusing to me, that every time i decide that it's time to speak Swedish and leave the English language behind that i am always end up feeling like a complete and utter moron, some people might be wondering why and to be absolutely honest i don't know why.

So i made a resolution at the start of this year that i was going to stop speaking English at home completely and only speak the language that this country has Swedish, now if i'm honest i haven't done all that bad but at the same time i haven't done all that good either, speaking to people outside of the house and even speaking to the twins goes fantastic. I might not get the right words and i might end up using the wrong endings etc but the people who i am speaking to get what i am trying to say and i don't think about it at all.

But when it comes to speaking to my fiancée....... well that's a completely different kettle of fish i am constantly thinking to myself, am i saying this right? have i used the right word? have i used the right ending to said word? and i end up sitting half the time in complete and utter silence or using very basic Swedish which normally consists of stuff like "yes, no, i don't know" and a few others that i can't really be bothered to mention. Don't get me wrong i do try but then i find myself getting frustrated and end up shouting "Arggghh" and then just saying it in English and i need to STOP!

It's not like Marie has done or said anything to make me feel this way, she has always been encouraging towards me speaking Swedish at home, could she do better? well of course she could, she is normally the first out of us both to say "I'll take this in English" because as we both know we are both pretty lazy when it comes to communicating, and at times she needs to think about what she is going to say and perhaps change it a bit to make it slightly easier for me to understand, this i can totally understand but it can become annoying since i don't learn that way. But it's not her fault, not even slightly, it's me that gets the feeling of being stupid and i need to get away from it some way some how.
I find myself feeling the same way when i try and communicate with my daughter in Swedish, i know that she knows English pretty well (i wouldn't say fluent) but she can get the meaning behind what i'm saying pretty easily so 90% of the time i end up doing that whole "Arrgghh" thing and then just speaking to her in English if she gives me that confused look that teenagers like to give from time to time.

But i need to stop! i need to put a end to this once and for all and i feel after living in Sweden nearly 6 years now that this is damn well the right time to do it, i can still recall many times sitting on the bus back in Scotland and listening to foreign people speak there language on the bus and thinking to myself "Jesus, you live in Scotland speak English you fricken morons!" and here i am 6 years down the line living in another country and what i am i doing? Exactly what i used to get annoyed at the people in Scotland for, and it's not right, it was me that decided to move here and make a life here and i am the one that should be making the effort, at the end of the day why should Swedish people have to speak English in their own country?
Bottom line, they shouldn't!

So i'm going to try my hardest this year to make a more conscious effort, and i'm hoping that after my fiancée reads this, that she will do the same. Although i know she tries and does a awsome job not getting annoyed or frustrated at me, but she is also allows me to speak English instead of giving me that push which i think she needs to do.

But i think that's my rant done for today, i hope everyone had a great weekend and that life is good! So until next time...

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